Shattered
by WritingMind
Summary: Elliot's killed a man and instead of dealing with it, he's running from it. One-shot. Rated T for coarse language. A little bit of EO. Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me.


Author's Note: This is my second one shot attempt. I tried to integrate a bit of EO without making it the focal point of the story :) It's lightly based off the song Shattered :) I had a lot of fun writing this. Enjoy! And PLEASE review :)

Elliot couldn't remember losing control like that before. He remembered several occasions where he'd beaten up perps but somebody always pulled him off, stopped him. He recalled a few years back when he had beaten his ex-partner to unconsciousness but some cops had pulled him off. That was the first time he could remember seeing his father in the mirror looking back at him. That had only happened two times in his life. That day was one of them. After that he had gotten help, started to work to get rid of his anger issues. But today… today he just lost it. And when he saw his father's reflection in the mirror, it crushed him.

The murderer was dead. Why hadn't anyone pulled him away? Why didn't anyone try to stop him? He hated himself for what he had done. He hoped they'd send him away to jail but knew they wouldn't. What the hell had happened to him?

He tried to think back to earlier that day. That guy had just made him so angry. He knew the other guy had thrown the first punch, but Elliot couldn't figure out why he hadn't stopped himself after the perp was unconscious. Every time he closed his eyes he saw the guy's face.

It wasn't a complete waste. The man was a piece of crap, lower than the rats living in their sewers. He had raped, molested, and killed at least eight children. The kids were any where between the ages of seven and sixteen. There were a few more bodies he had told them about but they hadn't found them yet. And then that scum started talking about who he had planned for his next victims. He had gone on and on about how the thrill of taking them one by one had started to wear off, how he wanted, needed, more of a challenge.

And he started describing Elliot's twins. He used their names as if he knew them, as if he were a friend of theirs that they'd known for years. He talked about how lovely the girl was, how handsome the son was. Elliot had changed shades quickly. He had started out pink, fists clenched around his biceps, squeezing them hard, trying to hold himself back. Then he had turned a dark shade of red, this piece of shit was talking about his children. Maroon came next. Then the scumbag started to talk about what he planned to do to the kids. He turned a dark shade of purple.

Before he knew what he was doing, he was pressing the man against the wall, holding him their tightly by his arms, feet not quite touching the ground. And the man had punched him. And from there it was all over. He had started to beat the man with all the force he had. When he let him go he dropped to the ground and Elliot started kicking him hard, everywhere: his head, his ribs, his abdomen, etc. He wanted the ass hole to pay. And before he knew it the guy was dead and he was in the bathroom, avoiding every one and any one.

He glanced out of the stall. No one was out there. He slowly, carefully, walked out of the bathroom. He considered taking the elevator but deemed it too risky. He took the stairs two at a time, just wanting to be out of the building.

His car was parked out front. He had come to work really early that morning giving him a primo parking space. He fumbled for his keys in his jacket and unlocked the door. He slid in and turned it on before even realizing he was being watched.

Olivia knocked lightly on his window. He jumped but rolled down the window all the same. "Hey," she said.

"Hey."

"You know you don't have to run. They're not going to arrest you. That whole self defense thing comes in handy."

"Liv, I just killed a guy," he said bitterly. The fact hadn't fully registered.

"No, El, you didn't. Whoever that was in there that beat that guy up, it wasn't you."

"What, you want me to believe that somebody else took over my body and decided to beat that guy up?" He was angry at himself but he was mostly taking it out on Olivia.

"No, but I do want you to know that you couldn't kill anyone. That wasn't you. Anger took over. I mean, he was talking about your kids. I would have beaten him up too."

"If he were talking about your kids you would have beat him up?" he asked. He knew it was a low blow.

She cringed a little but tried not to take it to heart. "No, El, I would have beaten him up if he were talking about your kids."

Elliot closed his eyes and laid his head back on the seat. His eyes were only closed for about half a second before they shot back open though because they could see the guy's face.

"Elliot, why don't we go get something to eat or something," she said. She could tell he needed to get his mind off this and seeing his kids would probably just make him think about it more.

"Liv, don't you get it?! Even if the guy's family doesn't sue me and I don't go to jail, I'm still losing my job. You don't have to be nice to me anymore. I'm not your partner."

His words stung. "Elliot, I'm not nice to you just because you're my partner," she said flatly.

He shook his head. "Just leave me alone. I don't need your sympathy. I killed a man and just lost three of the most important things in my life aside from my kids and my wife."

Olivia tried to count in her head. He'd lost his job and his sense of self, but what was the third thing. She'd ask when he wasn't in such a bad mood. "Elliot, please…"

But he cut her off. "Stop acting so self-righteous, damn it. Why the hell didn't you pull me off him!? Why didn't you stop me?! This is just as much your fault as it is mine. How could you do this to me! I thought you cared about me, but I guess you don't give a shit. If you did you wouldn't have let me kill that man." He angrily rolled up the car window. He wasn't sure if he should be driving while he was so angry but he didn't like the idea of sticking around here. He pulled away and left Olivia standing there in the cold.

She just watched after him and waited.

God, he hated himself. Why was he taking this out on her? It wasn't her fault. She tried to be nice, to make him feel a little better about the situation. She had even admitted to caring about his kids. What had he done? He'd thrown lies at her designed specifically to hurt her. He knew he was an ass for bringing up the fact that she didn't have kids. They both knew she wanted them. He couldn't believe himself, what was his problem? He could see in the rear view mirror she was still standing there. After a few more moments he turned the car around and drove back into his parking space. He rolled down the window. "Is that dinner offer still good?" he asked gruffly.

She smiled and nodded.

"I'm really sorry, Liv. I'm a huge ass hole. It just feels like everything's collapsing around me. I only have so much left in my life," he said quietly. He turned the key and started to drive.

"Don't worry about it," she replied. She waited a few more moments. "Hey, El, what was the third thing?" she asked.

"What?"

"You said that, other than Kathy and your kids, you lost the three most important things to you. I figured one must your job and another must be your sense of self, but what was the third thing?" she asked, eyes on him.

"You," he said quietly.

"You didn't lose me yet, ya know?" she replied.

"I came pretty close a few minutes ago though."

"Yeah, just don't let it happen again.

He smiled, nodded, and said, "I won't."


End file.
